1000 Questions
by Slave to my Caprices
Summary: songfic, thoughts of one of the pilots about his life after the war


Title: 1000 Questions

Author: Suni

Pairing: none

Rating: PG-13, to be sure

Feedback: pretty please (Sunyakiru@hotmail.com) 

Warnings: angst, mention of suicide

Notes: songfic

Disclaimer: Well, while I would like to own Gundam Wing and this song, it would still be totally ridiculous for you to assume that it belongs to me and not their respective owners.

The song is '1000 Fragen' by Böse Onkelz. I would say go ahead and buy their music; they're pretty good, but then again it would probably be hard for you to get your fingers on it.

This small songfic was produced late at night because I couldn't sleep right away after a night out with my friends, so it was completely infested with spelling errors. I apologize for that by the only one who seemed to have read it and was too nice to say something about it. I'm sorry Little Lady and thank you so much for reviewing. By the way you're right of course with your speculation. At the moment I'm thinking about doing companion pieces about the other pilots or maybe continuing this as a story since I actually really like it.

thoughts of the pilot                    [original lyrics]                    //my translation//

******************

It has been 3 years after the Eve wars, but I still feel restless and uneasy. I realized soon that it was harder to shake off the training, I had been subject to for nearly my whole life, than I had hoped. I'm beginning to doupt my chance to accomplish my last, but also my hardest mission: to live.

  


[1000 Fragen   
die mir das Leben stellt   
1000 Fragen über mich   
über mich und diese Welt]

//1000 Questions

life asks me

1000 Questions about me

about me and this world//

  


Often I ask myself. I utter that silly little word over and over. Creepy in it's simpleness, but maddening for the neverending chant and the complexity of the answer. Why had it to be me? Why couldn't I live a normal life? Why am I so afraid? Why? Why? Why?

   
  


  


[kann ich mich finden   
indem ich mich verlier   
suche ich im Nichts   
bin ich blinder Passagier]

//can I find me

if I loose myself

do I search in the nothingness

am I a stowaway//

  


  
I have my good and my bad times. And while I admit that my bad times are really very bad, I'm proud about those few moments I have the chance to glance at my humanity. Then again I despair, because I lose this moment and fall back, back into depression, back into nothingness.

  


[Woher weiß der Wind,woher er weht   
woher weiß der Schmerz,wann er kommt   
und wann er geht]

//whence does the wind knows, from where it blows

whence does the pain knows, when it comes

and when it goes//  
  


  


I want so desperately to understand those around me. They never seem to feel the pain I feel. No, their perfect little lifes are untainted by the overpowering pain that seems to rule my life and to destroy my only chance for happiness. After all I have lived through, don't I deserve at least a little happiness? But they never notice my struggle, never notice my pain.

  


[ich will wissen, wie's im Himmel ist   
wohin die Flüsse fliessen   
wer welches Feuer schürt   
warum wir wen erschiessen]  
  


//I want to know, how it is in heaven

to where the rivers flow

who stirs which fire

why we shoot whom//

  


So many times I came close to death, but never, never was I allowed to find my peace in the final sleep. Even now as I draw the sharp edge of the bloody knife over my arm, I know that I will not join those I have killed. But I know that they are waiting, waiting for me to finally admit defeat. I see them in my sleep, those tiny glances I get at what will be there for me once I cross that line. So contrary to these other glances so important to me, worth my whole life, which is not much, but all I've got.

  
  


  


[Wird die Zeit sich um mich kümmern   
brauch ich Licht, um zu sehn   
sind wir die Narren der Geschichte   
kann man dem Schicksal nicht entgehn]

//will time care for me

do I need light to see

are we the fools of history

can't you evade destiny//

  


I once knew someone, who would have said 'time will tell', but then again, he is dead and he probably would have to say a lot more if he saw me like this. But still I hope for something, someone, while I swim in a sea of oblivion, impending to drown and drifting towards a bright light.

fin.


End file.
